My mom has been having problems with her new printer/fax/scanner/phone. So after messing around with it I decided to try to get an RMA from HP. They have a feature where you can "chat" with someone online. I think it said you get instant customer service. I'm copying and pasting the chat as we go. No wonder so many companies are going under.
I don't blame this on Chandra. It falls on our friends at HP. The process is designed to take so long and be so difficult that some people will just give up. Great for building customer loyalty.
My HP Chat is below - I abbreviated Chandra's name to minimize any impact on him/her:
Warren Redlich : HP LaserJet M1319f MFP -- Handset unable to make phone calls. Picking incoming call receives, but cannot hear caller. Fax does not send/receive. Want RMA. Purchased 12/08.
[An agent will be with you shortly.]
[You are now chatting with Chandra PP .]
Warren Redlich : Hello.
Chandra PP : Hello, Warren.
Warren Redlich : Can I get an RMA?
Chandra PP : Welcome to HP Total Care Chat Support for Imaging & Printing Group. My name is Chandra. Please give me a minute while I review the issue description.
Warren Redlich : How are we doing?
Chandra PP : Could you please tell me what RMA stands for?
Warren Redlich : Return Merchandise Authorization - so I can send it back to HP and you can send me a new one.
Warren Redlich : Are you still there?
Warren Redlich : Sorry, I mean you send us a new one and we ship this one back to you in the box you sen dto us.
Warren Redlich : Is this chat supposed to be this slow?
Warren Redlich : You see, in a normal conversation you would type something back to me.
Chandra PP : You may experience a lag in response while your interaction, due to server maintenance. The inconvenience caused to you is deeply regretted.
Warren Redlich : We've been on this chat for 8 minutes and you have asked me one question.
Warren Redlich : Sorry, 9 minutes.
Chandra PP : Warren, may i know is the printer connected to the dedicated phone line or from any other device?
Warren Redlich : Dedicated line
Warren Redlich : I plugged a phone into the secondary phone jack and it worked fine.
Warren Redlich : 14 minutes now.
Warren Redlich : How long do your records show this chat has taken?
Chandra PP : Warren, as this is known issue with this prooduct, so I am going to create a service ticket against this product. So, I need some information , you will receive a call back to get the issue resolved.
Warren Redlich : I don't know what that means.
Warren Redlich : I think we're at 20 minutes now.
Warren Redlich : You see, I'm at my mom's house for a birthday dinner. It's my birthday. Instead of enjoying time with my family, I'm doing this with you. Why is it taking so long?
Chandra PP : I mean that we would replace the printer, for that we need some information.
Warren Redlich : Then you should probably start asking me some questions, as we are now 22 minutes into this chat.
Chandra PP : Please let me know the contact number?
Warren Redlich : My cell phone is 518-xxx-xxxx [I gotta have some privacy]
Warren Redlich : 25 minutes now, unless you have a different view of how long this has taken.
Chandra PP : Any alternate number if any?
Warren Redlich : Sure. My office phone is 518-862-1877 x108
Chandra PP : Warren I apologise for the inconvience but it would take some time to create the service ticket.
Chandra PP : Alright.
Warren Redlich : I don't understand what you mean.
Warren Redlich : 28 minutes
Warren Redlich : You're not going to disagree with me on the length of time, are you?
Warren Redlich : 31 minutes
Warren Redlich : Am I supposed to keep waiting or are we done?
Warren Redlich : We started this chat at 4:47 pm. It's 5:21 pm now. I think dinner is almost ready. What's going on?
Chandra PP : I agree that its too long to reply, I really apologise for the inconvience, You may experience a lag in response while your interaction, due to server maintenance. The inconvenience caused to you is deeply regretted.
Warren Redlich : It's just short of 40 minutes now. I'm going to sit down for dinner and I'll come back when dinner is finished. You may experience a lag in response in your interaction, due to nutritional abuse. The inconvenience caused to you is not at all regretted.
Chandra PP : Now please let me know the Serial number of the printer.
Warren Redlich : CNCZ84K0XM
Chandra PP : Warren, I again apologise for the delay.
Warren Redlich : I don't think it's your fault. I blame HP.
Chandra PP : Please let me know your physical address .
Warren Redlich : 255 Washington Ave. Ext.; Suite 108; Albany, NY 12205
Chandra PP : Please let me know the appropriate time to call you.
Warren Redlich : You can call me anytime between 8 am and 8 pm any day of the week, Eastern (New York) time.
Warren Redlich : 45 minutes now.
Chandra PP : thank you for the information.
Chandra PP : Please let me know when did this issue occur?
Warren Redlich : It stopped working properly about a month ago (roughly February 1st).
Chandra PP : Okay.
Chandra PP : Did you registered this product earlier?
Warren Redlich : I don't know if we registered the product.
Chandra PP : Okay.
Chandra PP : What is your email address?
Warren Redlich : firstname.lastname@example.org
Warren Redlich : What's yours?
Warren Redlich : Over 50 minutes now.
Chandra PP : I apologize, as we are in chat technical support we do not have email address.
Chandra PP : It will take another 5 minutes.
Warren Redlich : Dinner really is ready now. I'll be back in less time than this chat has taken.
Chandra PP : Okay. You can go over and end this, I will send you the service ticket number through email.
Chandra PP : Will it be convenient for you?
Warren Redlich : email is great
Chandra PP : Befor you end this chat, please let me know the windows operating system you are using in your system?
Warren Redlich : Mac OS X
Warren Redlich : About 55 minutes now. I did step away for 2 minutes there.
Chandra PP : I understand the inconvenience caused to you and I sincerely apologize for this. Let me assure you that in future you will not face this issue.
Chandra PP : Is there anything else, I may assist you?
Warren Redlich : Not at this time. I'll look forward to your e-mail.
Chandra PP : I will make sure that you receive the call within 48 hours.
Chandra PP : Please note the reference number: 1416130 for this chat session.
Chandra PP : Thank you for contacting HP Total Care Real-Time chat support. If you need further assistance, please contact us again at:
Chat support is available 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
Stay connected and protected with HP's new online storage and sharing service, HP online. To try it FREE for one year, please visit:
For information on keeping your HP and Compaq products up and running, please visit our Web site at:
As mentioned in the update, the call never came.
I e-mailed twice and got the following responses:
Thank you for writing back to us and providing us an opportunity to serve you again in this matter. I apologize for the inconvenience caused.
Warren, I would like to inform you that the case has already been forwarded to HP Technical
support and they were unable to contact you due to technical difficulties, I have just now informed them and they assured me that they will call you at the earliest.
If you need any assistance or if you have any questions, please get back to us. We are always available round the clock to assist you technically regarding the issue you may experience with All-in-One units.
Sincerely,HP Total Care
Thank you for writing back to us. I am glad to assist you further.
I understand from your email that you did not contacted yet by our call back team. I regret for the inconvenience this might have caused to you.
Warren, I once again personally forwarding your details to the concerned department and they would be contacting you at the earliest.
I hope the above information should answer your query, however if you need additional help, please reply to this email I shall be glad in assisting you further anytime.
We are available round the clock to assist valuable customers like you.
Have a nice day.Sincerely,
HP Total Care.