Monday, February 11, 2008

Too Many Lawyers? Or Too Many Laws?

I saw someone complaining about "too many lawyers" today and I started ranting. You see, the problem is not too many lawyers. It's too many laws. The more laws you make, the more demand you create for lawyers.

Great example is the new Aggravated DWI law -- the higher offense for BAC over 0.18, and new rules limiting plea bargaining. Now instead of us just making deals for our clients that gets them into some kind of counseling and treatment, we almost have to fight the case. Makes plenty more work for us.

Make some more laws like that. I'll be able to retire sooner. And while you're at it, could you hire some more cops and have them arrest more people? More work for us.

Love when they arrest college kids for drug offenses? Their parents really appreciate lawyers and are happy to pay us -- especially with the law preventing those with drug convictions from getting financial aid (but not murderers or rapists). And have them write more speeding tickets too -- especially with the Pataki/Silver/Bruno Drivers Responsibility Assessment that makes the lawyer's fee seem so much more reasonable. Could you raise the fines more - that might persuade more people to hire us. Oh, and make it easier for them to lose their licenses too. Thanks!

Pass some more environmental regulations, and then the companies will need us to figure out how they can deal with them most effectively (not my game, but there are others out there). Oh, and maybe your town could enact more restrictive zoning laws. Then property developers will need to pay their lawyers more to work around the zoning.

And try to have as many different taxes as possible. If you only have one tax, then they only need one kind of tax lawyer. But if you have 1000 taxes, then they need 1000 different kinds of lawyers. You got your personal income tax lawyers, corporate income tax lawyers, estate tax lawyers, property tax lawyers, import tariffs, and it goes on and on.

Oh, I forgot -- election laws. Other states should be more like New York. Make the election laws as complicated as possible, so we can have more litigation about who gets on the ballot and all that. I can't wait to see how much work we get with these new voting machines.

Please post comments on this. Would love to hear some thoughts. --Warren
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